How to Deal With a Narcissist and Set Yourself Free from Abuse
If you are feeling beaten down, stuck, and exhausted from a narcissist – you might be wondering about how to deal with a narcissist. The short answer is that you cannot deal with a narcissist. However, there are strategies you can implement to find inner peace within and set yourself free from abuse. I’ve talked before about how narcissistic abuse is hard to recover from because of how multi-layered it is. When you still have ties to a narcissist, or whether you’ve left and are living with CPTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, life is not easy. As someone who recovered from severe CPTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, I know how debilitating the trauma can be. But I also know what it takes to recover and the nuances of healing from narcissistic abuse. In this article, I will explain how to deal with a narcissist and ultimately set yourself free from abuse.
How to deal with a narcissist: take a leap of faith and leave
I understand that leaving a narcissist is not always possible immediately and there can be risks if not done carefully. However, how to deal with a narcissist is to take a leap of faith and leave them. If you do have the resources to leave a narcissist, this is the best way to deal with a narcissist. Since people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are highly resistant to change, sticking around won’t achieve anything. Narcissists are who they are. You can’t turn a frog into a prince. The red flags at the beginning of a relationship are glimpses into someone’s true character and nature. How they treat you at the end is who they really are. They didn’t change; they were deceptive about who they were from the beginning.
Nevertheless, leaving can be a scary thought and process. I’ve talked before about how anger is a powerful emotion that can propel you to make necessary bold moves. That is what happened to me. Through my venting and recalling all the horrible things the narcissist did to me, the only logical option was for me to leave. So I did. This process involved taking a leap of faith when I couldn’t see the road ahead. I couldn’t even see a few minutes ahead. I was doing my best to get out of there. Looking back years later, I am so grateful I did. Those were the moments when I was setting myself free.
Disengage from a narcissist by withdrawing your energy
Disengaging from a narcissist can be both physical and energetic. Disengagement in the physical is known as a method called grey-rocking. It is where you act bland and uninterested and don’t give the narcissist any reactions they can feed off. Because ultimately, this is what the narcissist is after. They are after your emotional energy to feed their ego, otherwise known as narcissistic supply. Grey-rocking is an effective method to keep an emotional distance and maintain as much sanity as possible. It cuts the narcissist off from their supply source, and they get bored because you are not providing them with the emotional feed like you once did. Don’t tell them too much about anything and keep communication at a bare minimum.
I began doing this myself before I knew what the term grey-rocking was. It was the best course of action amidst the chaos of narcissistic abuse. The other form of disengagement from a narcissist is an energetic one. It can happen when you are around them, but it also refers to when you have escaped the narcissist and are embarking on healing from narcissistic abuse. Narcissists will trigger you like nothing else ever will. That is because narcissistic abuse activates core wounds within people, and this process magnifies during the recovery process. It is why doing the inner work is so crucial post-narcissistic abuse to work through the vulnerabilities and wounds they prey upon. Upon doing the inner work, you will have successfully mastered the art of how to deal with a narcissist.
How to deal with a narcissist: beat a smear campaign by losing the fear
I’ve written about smear campaigns and how to handle them. In a recent post of mine on Instagram, I wrote that the way to beat a smear campaign is to lose the fear. I love this post and feel the message is crucial for people to understand. Narcissists will inevitably smear people to gain control over you and how others view you. You can’t beat a smear campaign in that sense – but you can beat it by losing the fear. At the core of worrying about smear campaigns, I believe, is fearing what other people think of you. I have learned a lot about this over the years, and ultimately, it comes down to fear. When you find peace within yourself, you won’t care what the narcissist says about you. Narcissists are in turmoil on the inside, and people will think what they want.
The only thing you can control is your peace and happiness. What matters is finding peace within yourself. My advice in the Instagram post was to understand that letting go comes with growth, embrace your fear and let it wash over you, and evaluate your fears; are they reality or obstacles in your mind? And to know who you are. Knowing who you are is your greatest weapon against narcissists. This knowing who you are prevents you from being manipulated and terrorised by outside forces. We are terrorised by narcissists when we don’t know who we are. The narcissist is counting on you not knowing to carry out their deeds. Once again, knowing who you are is something that happens with growth. Losing the fear and inner growth is an effective method for how to deal with a narcissist.
Commit to the inner work
Committing to the inner work is like the housework of narcissistic abuse recovery. When you are questioning how to deal with a narcissist, the ultimate question should be how to do the inner work and free yourself from abuse. If you are still dealing with a narcissist by choice, then you haven’t done the inner work yet. Sometimes, we can’t escape narcissistic abuse yet, and that can be challenging. However, many times, the door is wide open, yet we still choose to remain in prison. Inner work is a broad term that encompasses many aspects of healing from narcissistic abuse. But ultimately, whatever it involves, it is about turning our attention off the narcissist and tending to our internal world. Because this is where the pain is manifesting from. I’ve talked about how narcissists are mirrors of our subconscious minds.
Nothing can change on the outside until we change on the inside. You can’t change a narcissist, and it is not your responsibility. What you can change is yourself and your state of consciousness. There are many different ways to heal from narcissistic abuse, and for me, it was a process of becoming conscious that encompassed multiple stages. It involved committing to no contact with the narcissist, connecting with my intuition, identifying and healing core wounding, changing my perception of myself, aligning with my soul’s purpose, and getting functional. You can read about my journey here to gain insight into the inner work. In the end, you must take the focus off narcissists, from learning about narcissists, and heal whatever it is inside that attaches you to them. Find freedom and healing by committing to the inner work. I promise it will be worth it.
Don’t wait around trying to deal with a narcissist
The moral here is don’t wait around trying to deal with a narcissist. Sure, you can implement strategies like grey-rocking and withdrawing your energy, but the truth is there is no solid way how to deal with a narcissist. The goal should be to leave, do the inner work, and move on to greener pastures. You do not need to waste your life trying to figure them out and manage them. It is a waste of precious time and energy. You can have a magnificent life without a narcissist and become wiser and stronger from these traumatic experiences. I always say that narcissistic abuse gives us the gift of discernment. It is also the catalyst for you to find yourself. Finding yourself is all you can ever ask for.
That is why I am here to help you explore your unique path. You don’t have to stay stuck in groundhog day after the devastating trauma of narcissism and CPTSD. It is a calling to become the brightest version of you. Narcissistic abuse is merely the catalyst to enlightenment, consciousness, and freedom. Now is the time to connect with our soul’s purpose in these times of collective awakening. To disconnect entirely from the vibration of narcissism and reclaim our soul. Uncover our innate nature and live it without constraints. To know who we are without the corrupted perspectives of abusers.
Take a leap of faith and get healing support
I know how hard it can be to reach out for support and be vulnerable, but you don’t have to suffer in darkness alone. I offer support for those in the early stages of leaving a narcissist. If you’ve already left and need help with the intricate recovery process, you can work with me in the healing blueprint. Book a free consultation first to see if we’re the perfect match. My sessions are about helping you access your inner strength and embark on the path to soul recovery. Follow me on Instagram at beyondtheillusion.co for posts that elevate your spirit and heal your mind.
