Signs of a Narcissist Friend: What to Look Out For

Since writing my last two blogs on narcissistic friends, “The Narcissist Friend is Harder to Spot” and “Narcissistic Friends: The Ultimate Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing,” there’s more signs that indicate a friend could be a narcissist. Not all narcissistic friends follow the typical love bomb, devalue, discard, and hoover cycle. Some of these well-disguised narcissist friends are hybrid narcissist psychopaths. They blend in normally under social camouflage. These hybrid narcissists can pretend friendships for decades and be well hidden in childhood, making it difficult to spot one of these hybrid friends. However, there are signs to watch for when a friend isn’t who they pretend to be. So, what are the signs of a narcissist friend?

Signs of a narcissist hybrid friend #1: Discards that seem explainable

Narcissists who aren’t psychopaths tend to discard people more theatrically. They will discard on special occasions like birthdays or Christmas or in front of people. The hybrid, however, isn’t as theatrical and hides behind normalcy. That means they discard friends in ways that seem plausible or explainable. For example, a discarded friend believing they’re no longer in the narcissist’s life because they moved away, or life got busy, or life moved on. But these discards always leave a feeling of abandonment and rejection because they’re often abrupt and don’t provide closure. In natural drifting situations, there’s mutual respect and understanding. But with hybrid friends, like all narcissist discards, there’s still hurt and confusion, but the other person explains it away.

Sign #2: Breadcrumbs after discards

Pure narcissists breadcrumb after discards, and so does the hybrid narcissist. That means they discard people without explanation and then keep them on the emotional hook through intermittent reinforcement. They will send the occasional text message, or social media ‘like’ or comment to breadcrumb the discarded victim with doses of affection. Intermittent reinforcement is highly effective on the human psyche and was tested on rats by behavioural psychologist Skinner. When a reward is taken away, the response is to keep wanting the reward, even to the point of neglecting one’s own needs. All abusers use intermittent reinforcement with their victims, and that includes the narcissistic friend.

Signs of a narcissist friend #3: Two-faced behaviour

One of the signs to look out for in a narcissist friend is two-faced behaviour. Not all two-faced individuals are necessarily narcissists, but it can be an indicator of a narcissistic friend. That’s because they view people as objects, so they don’t have any guilt about talking badly behind a friend’s back and being nice to their face. Narcissists don’t just have personality disorders—they have character disorders, too. Two-faced behaviour can be difficult to identify. But if you ever see or hear anything that indicates two-facedness, it can be a red flag of narcissism. At the very least, it’s disloyal behaviour. If someone is talking badly behind someone’s back, they are almost always doing it to others, too.

Sign #4: Repeated friendship fallouts

If you have a friend who always seems to be falling out with people, they could be narcissistic. Narcissists have dysfunctional relationships throughout their lives. They lack accountability and shift blame onto others. Narcissistic friends often have lots of different people coming and going from their lives and claim that everyone else is the problem. It’s different when someone is a victim of multiple narcissists, but when someone seems to be the common denominator across different friendships, that is a sign of a narcissistic friend.

Sign #5: Emotional neglect is a sign of a narcissist friend

All narcissists are neglectful to some degree, and so is the narcissistic friend. Covert narcissists can feign emotional support sometimes but still be emotionally neglectful at the core. The hybrid narcissist friend tends to be emotionally shallow and offers zero or limited emotional support and attunement. That means there appears to be the illusion of a friendship and social activities, but the narcissist friend is absent at an emotional level. Victims of these narcissistic friendships can go through life difficulties and struggles and have no support from these emotionally absent friends. Abuse isn’t just about what’s active; it is also about what is absent or withdrawn. Emotional neglect is a form of abuse.

Sometimes there is a feeling of emotional absence with a narcissistic friend, but the function of a friendship creates the illusion that everything is fine when it isn’t. It can take years to recognise the emotional neglect of a narcissistic friend.

Signs of a narcissist friend #6: The childhood friend who seems different as an adult

Narcissists are generally well concealed in adulthood, especially if they’re a more sophisticated type of narcissist. Psychologists do not diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder until age 18, which means psychologists themselves cannot determine whether a child or teenager has NPD or is going through an adolescent phase. So if psychologists cannot diagnose until age 18, how can a child or teenager possibly know that they’re friends with someone who has a personality disorder? This understanding is beyond a young person’s knowledge. That means adults can be unaware that a friend they’ve known since childhood is a narcissist. Discards, smears, and breadcrumbs by childhood friends can therefore be bewildering.

What is actually occurring is that the victim of a narcissistic childhood friend has drawn this individual into their life magnetically. Narcissists are always reflecting something unhealed within others. It can be emotional neglect or narcissistic dynamics within a family. Narcissist friends reflect inner child wounds and subconscious programming. For someone to be drawn into a narcissist’s world, there is usually a vulnerability from childhood. That’s why a narcissist’s devaluation and discard are so effective, because these dynamics prey upon an existing vulnerability.

Sign #7: Smearing, smearing, smearing

Most narcissists go on smear campaigns against those closest to them, and that includes the narcissist friend. Narcissists smear the most when people start to see through them and after a discard. The hybrid narcissist can go on vicious smear campaigns behind people’s backs after decades of pretending friendship. Smear campaigns are distressing because they assassinate their target’s character by telling complete lies and circulating false narratives. If you’re struggling with this and need guidance, read my blog post, “How to Handle a Smear Campaign: Everything You Need to Know.”

The hybrid narcissist friend seems normal until they don’t.

natalie daly

Sign #8: Walking on eggshells

Not all narcissists make others feel like they’re walking on eggshells around them, but some do. One sign of a narcissist friend is feeling on edge around them, being bossed around or dominated, or feeling like you might say or do the wrong thing. Such an atmosphere can be a sign of a narcissist friend. This type of narcissist tends to be argumentative. It is crucial to follow intuition when a dynamic feels emotionally unsafe because these small red flags can suggest something more serious. To learn more about following your intuition, read my blogs, “How Listening to Your Intuition Can Guide Your Healing from Abuse” and “Dating a Narcissist Red Flags: Why We Ignore Our Intuition.”

Not all narcissistic friends love bomb

In my previous blog, “Narcissistic Friends: The Ultimate Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing,” a sign of a narcissist friend is love bombing using flattery. Some narcissists do love bomb friends; however, the absence of love bombing does not mean a friend isn’t a narcissist. The love bombing narcissist tends to be the more theatrical and reactive narcissist who is not a psychopath. The socially camouflaged psychopath does not love bomb or does so minimally. That’s the nature of the psychopath: blending in seamlessly and seeming normal until they don’t. That’s when it becomes confusing and destabilising to know who this person really is. The blend of narcissism and psychopathy together can mask narcissistic traits until they’re on full display.

This article has outlined more signs of a narcissist friend in addition to the typical love bomb, discard, and hoover narcissist. While that dynamic certainly exists with many narcissists, hybrids are more discreet and socially camouflaged. Look out for discards that seem explainable, followed by breadcrumbs. Two-faced behaviour and repeated friendship fallouts. Plus emotional neglect and the childhood friend who seems different as an adult. Smearing is typical of narcissists. Also watch for a walking-on-egg-shells dynamic. Remember, not all narcissists love bomb.

If you suspect a friend is a narcissist, it is imperative to cut contact permanently. Block all communication channels with the narcissist, educate yourself about narcissism, and heal any childhood wounds that made you vulnerable to an abuser.

If you need more in-depth support regarding your situation, book personalised email counselling or narcissistic abuse counselling. Download your free copy of Healing Through Conscious Awareness for step-by-step guidance on how to recover from narcissistic abuse.